Brief

      The resent piece that i have been working on will focus on affection to the self. The two characters, that actually are the same person (doll), are in love with each other even though they are supposed to be one and are of the same sex. I want to create a piece that exposes the self-loving tendency, almost some sort of homosexual-ish emotion, that exists in me，and probably in most girls.

      Being aware of the fact that i am straight, not a lesbian, the homosexual love that i have for myself makes me confused sometimes; i often wonder if i am bisexual rather than straight, and have been trying different types of behaviors to figure out what my real gender or gender preference is. This twisted self-loving is an important part of my character that I have never mentioned before but had always wanted to express, so I decided to reveal this trait of me to viewers in the new piece that I am creating.

The recent piece that I did is part of my theme of internal contradictions. I was inspired by a Japanese artist called Yue, who uses light shades of pencil and splashes of tea as background to create a mysterious and harmonic feel to her works. Since I accidentally spilled coffee on my last piece and the color of the coffee stains end up improving the visual effect of that piece, I decided to experiment with pouring tea on my recent piece. The tea background came out in a pretty nice and warm tone, and goes well with the pencil lines. However, my inexperience in using tea caused the background to lack color difference and depth, which is what I was hoping to achieve. Though I used some watercolor to improve the background, it is still kind of dull.

Apart from trying to use tea, I also tried using sketch lines to complete elements on the background instead of using refined lines as I have always done. I was scared to try this technique at first, but realized that these lines successfully created emphasis on the main objects and gave the background a nice texture.

For this piece I was aiming to express the coexisting evil and innocence. Both figures in the piece is part of myself. The adult figure is going through a transformation towards becoming a Hanya, which is a female Japanese monster. Hanyas are originally innocent females, but becomes evil after possessing strong envy and hatred. The little girl represents innocence. The hanya knows that the little girl will one day become like her and wants to prevent this from happening, but could not stop the process. I wanted to express myself being exposed to and falling toward evil, but the innocence still exists. I am tempted by evil and will become a monster, but at the same time I don’t want to become a monster and want the innocence to stay.

critique

I did not contribute to Friday’s critique. I only watched on the side and did not speak up. On Monday’s critique I commented a few times on others’ works and tried to explain my own work. Overall I am still not active enough during critique and will certainly try to make an improvement next time. The pace of the critique can sometimes be fast, and in order for me to make a comment I would have to quickly organize words to illustrate my thoughts. This is not something that I am comfortable with, but is definitely a good skill that I would like to learn.

work evaluation

The last piece that I created was intended to portray the struggle of myself trying to escape from my emotions and wills while suffering from the pain of abandoning them. The piece was done in black and white and with heavy detail to fully reveal the pessimistic and intricate side of my inner world. I created the piece entirely with metaphorical elements that I think represents aspects of myself. This makes the piece hard to be interperted by others, because those elements can be interpreted very differently according to personal experience. However, since this piece is made to express personal aspects of myself, I did not expect it to be fully understood, and will continue to use similar elements to finish this piece. I am planning to complete a series of drawings to portray my inner conflicts. They will all be black and white, and possibly done by illustration pens.